FROM THE "OH, SO CONFUSED" DEPARTMENT

Prison Sex

FDA Warns Prisoners: "Toss Your Salad!"


LINCOLN, NE--- Health officials on Tuesday identified prepackaged salad mix as the source of a severe stomach bug that sickened hundreds of inmates in prisons across Nebraska and Iowa. All of the food to each of these prisons is provided by the Aramark Corporation. The giant food division was unavailable for comment throughout the day, but health inspectors are adamant that Aramark's carelessness is to blame.

"Until Aramark can get this incident under control, there will be no tossed salads in my prison," said Berk Goodson, warden of Lincoln Correctional Center. "I repeat, there will be no tossed salads going into anyone's mouth until we get this thing under control."

It appears not all inmates are crystal clear on what to do. "Inspectors say do it. Warden says don't do it. What a man and another man do in the privacy of their own cell is their business," quipped Smooch, a prison bitch from Cell Block E. It turns out Smooch is not alone. Confusion over the tossed salad issue is common amongst prisoners in all of the institutions affected.

When asked about the mass confusion that seemed to going around his prison, Warden Goodson clarified, "I'll say it again, since not everyone seems to grasp this. There will be NO greens served for dinner and there will also be absolutely NO butt eating of any kind. Period."

In the past, the Aramark Corporation usually conducts their own private investigation in conjunction with the FDA. It remains to be seen if the corporation will investigate this matter. The FDA's investigation is currently ongoing.

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