"PARANOID ABOUT DRONES" DEPARTMENT

drone attack

Fear of Death-By-Drone Attack Keeps Motorists in Line

FREDERICKSBURG, VA--- After just three months of the Commonwealth's controversial new Sky Enforce Law, traffic violations throughout the state are way down. The law is clear and simple: if you speed or run a red light, expect to immediately die in your car from a drone missile attack.

Sky Enforce claimed its first fatality just after Tuesday morning's rush hour commute. Eric Chavez, of Alexandria, Virginia, was killed after his Toyota Camry was clocked doing 72 mph in a 55 mph zone. "He would speed thru construction sites. He would fail to yield. He was a bit of a bastard," admitted Maria Chavez, mother of the slain motorist. Since then, there have been twenty-seven traffic-related deaths from missile strike in the five days that have followed.

Not a single traffic ticket has been written in the past six days, Virginia State Police report. It is projected by 2030, drone attack will be the leading cause of death in Virginia. Area physician Dr. Carl Rubenstein noted "this is wonderful news in the fight against heart disease. If we can get those drone strike numbers up, my work will have truly meant something." The Sky Enforce program was based on the work of the late Miles Bennet Dyson of Cyberdine Systems.

The program is estimated to kill upwards of six hundred motorists this year alone. It is important to understand and accept that this is keeping you safe. Read that sentence again... out loud. They can hear you and they will know if you do not read it aloud.

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